Things to Know About Burma (so you don't have to ask me)

Burma (Myanmar) bis ack in the news, with Hillary's visit to Rangoon (Yangon). So here are a few facts, for the uninitiated... mostly so I don't have to answer these questions again and again. Think of it as the JSAW Burma FAQ list.

1) It is the largest Buddhist country in the world both in area and by population. One of its great wonders are the thousands of pagodas built around Pagan.  (For a price, and if you're Burmese, you can donate to have one of these restored in your name.) This basis has given a lot of foundation for women's rights, at least in the era before the junta.  Women do not usually change their names after marriage for example.

2) No, I don't know Aung San Suu Kyi. No I'm not related to her.

3) No, I can't teach you how to pronounce her name. Your guess is as good as mine.

4) The national dress is the longyi.  Though related to the sarong and sari it is not the same.  Whereas the sari is worn only by women, the longyi is worn by both sexes. The longyi is also a continuous circle of fabric, not a straight sheet like the sarong.  It is tied differently depending on your sex.  Women essentially tuck an end into the side, while men tie a little knot in the front. Also, in Burmese it is actually called a longyi for women, but a puh-soh when worn by men. Hopefully if this democratisation and development continues, they'll be able to maintain this as the usual dress for business.

(Personally, i've found that even though yo're wearing so much more fabric, these are much cooler to wear in Rangoon than shorts and a tank top.)

4) No, I don't usually wear these.

5) Burmese is spoken in Burma and it is related (distantly) only to Tibetan. So, no, just because you speak (insert Asian language here) you won't be able to understand it. The writing looks like a series of circles and c's. I can only manage enough to ask where the bathroom is and the equivalent of "what am I eating?" but can understand a lot more.

6) I don't know what it's like to grow up there, since I grew up in the US.

7) No, I don't know Aung San Suu Kyi.

8) Please don't describe a pagoda as "something like a Buddhist church."

9) Burmese food is great but unlike anything else in the world, with Chinese, Indian and Thai influences.

10) Yes, I can teach you about Burmese food. But you have to learn to like pickled tea leaves (lepet) and fried shrimp paste with ground dry shrimp.

11) No, there are no good Burmese restaurants in Manhattan.

12) On a personal note, my grandfather was jailed by the junta during the takeover and we were classified as enemies of the state for decades. First signs of opening was when they started to allow my family and others back into the country back in the early 90s.

13) The other Asian-American person(s) you know is probably not Burmese.

14) For great Burmese food go to Burma Superstar in San Francisco.  (One in the East Bay too.)

15) No I don't know Aung San Suu Kyi.

Support for Marriage

Here's a sampling of what my friends from all points in my life have said in support.  Touching when I read them all separately.  Overwhelming when I read them all together. This is just what I have at this moment! (I'm only including comments from my straight friends.  I've also omitted names and identifying info to protect their privacy.)


For any NY legislators that might be reading this, not sure what else to give you.  As Judge Walker in the Prop. 8 decision wrote:


Plaintiffs do not seek recognition of a new right. To characterize plaintiffs’ objective as “the right to same-sex marriage” would suggest that plaintiffs seek something different from what opposite-sex couples across the state enjoy —— namely, marriage. Rather, plaintiffs ask California to recognize their relationships for what they are: marriages. 




Childhood (people I've know all my life, since we were kids)

• You can bet and I support you and would love to celebrate with you. 
• Of course you have my support! I can't wait for the day you and Geoff get married! 
• We do know how it feels to wake up next to the love of our lives everyday. Count and I in for our undying, unconditional support
• 110% support from me.
• I would be honored to see you through a right of passage in your life! My daughter needs a pair of married Uncle(s) this year!!

High School

• Know that I and my entire family are behind you!!!
• Illinois residents can't vote in New York can they?
• I'm rooting for you, Jonathan! This is one of the great embarrassments of our generation.

College

• Good luck and give 'em hell, Jonathan!
• Know you have all our support on your amazing journey! We'd love nothing more than you see have the same rights as everyone else! The time is now - Can't wait for the wedding!
• You will always have my support Jonathan.
• Wish I could join you.
• You have our full support.   and I have been
  married for almost 12 years.  It is just not right that you should have to
  wait this long, and work this hard for something we were able to do with no
  problem at all.  

Work

• It’s pretty fucking simple, isn’t it? Why would anyone object to celebrating, honoring and formally recognizing love and commitment? Get it done!
• So exciting -- I can't wait to celebrate your wedding.

Grad school

• You guys are clearly meant for each other - forever. There couldn't be a better example of the absurdity of this antiquated restriction than you and Geoff. My daughter asked the other day if a girl could marry another girl. What a teaching moment! I think she was looking for a yes/no answer and instead got a ten minute lesson on love and laws. Oh well - that's my job as a parent. 

FAMILY (mine and Geoff's)

• I can't wait to buy the dress and boo hoo when the day comes.  Will do my part to forward this important movement.  We support you fully. 
• I am hoping for this legislation to pass and can’t wait to party our asses off when it does!!! 

Asian Muslim Links

NOTE:  I wrote this a few months ago when the House hearings on US Muslim extremism started. Not sure why I got side tracked-- probably just forgot to hit "Post."

+++

Being Asian American - I've been bothered insensed HORRIFIED by the instances of anti-Muslim prejudice in America.  Whether it is the screaming protesters in Yorba Linda or the current hearings on Muslim radicals in America.  But my unease goes far beyond that.  The words and epithets being thrown out are eerily similar to what occurred in WWII, leading up to the internment of Japanese AMERICANS.

The fear-mongering starts with questioning the loyalty of a group of people to the US and then defining patriotism so that no-one of that group can meet that definition.

Back in the 1940s, newspaper columns said that the Japanese were not able to become fully assimilated because of their race and nationality, no matter how long they have been in the United States.  Widely accepted-- this view meant that Japanese-Americans who had been in the US for generation were now seen as foreigners.

Doesn't that remind you of recent statements by Congressmen and political leaders, particularly on the right, saying that all Muslims in the US are particularly suspect to terrorist activities.  Are we about to repeat history and begin the internment of Muslim-Americans?

Asian moms

By now, most of you may have read the article "Why Chinese moms are better" are some such.  At first I figured I'd just leave this alone, but it's causing too much discussion online for me to ignore.

Let me be clear immediately: I think the article is an example of gross oversimplification and hyperbole and does an actual disservice to both Asian mothers and "Western" mothers. 


Despite her half-hearted attempts at defining "Chinese mother," I believe that many people will use this to vilify Asian mothers in general.  Her examples, especially about being called "garbage" are extreme.  While I don't doubt that this happens in some families (not just Asian ones) I think it feeds into the stereotype of Asian mothers and Asian families in general.

That the author is Asian herself makes this all the more depressing. (Sort of like a modern day Hop Sing:  Me makee sure white people like me by makee fun of Chineee mudda.)

Her good points, for example that Chinese mothers feel their children can achieve anything they want, is lost in the morass of supposed general "examples" and talk of pianos and violins.  Damn, all we needed was something about doing Calculus on the way to a football game and we'd be all set. (Of course, Asian kids aren't allowed to go to football games so I guess it's about doing Calculus on the way to violin lessons.)

By grounding her points in stereotypical examples, she lets "Western" mothers off the hook. Many of the points, including that self-esteem comes from the ability to excel at things and learn how to get to that point, are generally applicable.  But making them so alien it allows people to say "well, that's not how we do things in this country" and continue to find excuses for why their children don't do as well as Asian children.

The fact is Asian students, and white students, and Black ones and Hispanic ones excel when thy are pushed to do so.  When expected to excel they pretty much do so.  But kids are lazy and won't do anything more than they are forced to do.  The fact is in families that have high achieving children, the "minimum" level of activity and schoolwork equates to an A, not a C.

We need to get away from this "Everyone's a winner!" mentality because that's not the real world.  What good parents have always know is that self-esteem comes from success not the other way around. I know this from personal experience. One of the reasons I was able to withstand the anti-gay bullying at school was because I knew I was better and more worthy than my attackers. This didn't arise by some over-fawning desire to nourish my self-esteem, but from the fact that I was doing better than them in school, in harder classes. It seems so childish now, but I was carried along by the idea that one day they'd be working for me.

And finally, can we all get off the "My kids are my best friends" kick?  Kids need parents, not friends. Friends tell you what you want to hear and make you feel good.  Parents actually can make you better than you ever imagined yourself to be.

This is not Asian parenting or any other style of parenting, this is general GOOD parenting.

Re-Post

Hey folks.  I just started contributing Op-Eds to a site called ourscenetv.com.

Though I won't be overlapping the content on this blog,, this week's article was just too important to not repost.

http://ourscenetv.com/articles/dying-to-be-gay

Facebook-schmacebook

Can you all deal with another Facebook blog post?

Facebook has been a great tool, helping me link with old friends and new.  But my rant a few weeks ago reminded me that there are a few things that totally bug the sh*t out of me.


So here's my (slightly hypocritical) list:

FB ETIQUETTE

OK, I'm not saying that I'm the be-all-end-all here, but I think we can agree on the following:

1) If you're a woman and you are friending high school friends, have your maiden name and your picture visible.  Otherwise a profile pic of your kids along with Mrs.  Blahblahblah proides me ZERO info to determine whether I know you or not.

2) If you must play Farmville or Cafe or Timesuck 2.0 -- do us all a favor and turn off the notifications that get sent to all your friends.  It's not a coincidence that one of the most popular pages on FB is "IF ANYBODY SENDS ME ANYMORE MORE FARMVILLE REQUESTS I AM GOING TO BURN YOUR CROPS AND KILL YOUR ANIMALS"(over 500,000 likes).


3) Ditto with quizzes.

4) Don't "friend" me at a bar or party then force me to go onto FB right then and "accept" you.  

5) Know the difference between posting something on my Wall - which everyone can see and sending me a Message which is private.  Just because you and I think something is hilarious doesn't necessarily mean I want you posting it...

6) If you're one of those people who can't remember someone they've met - don't bother friending me.... cuz the next time I see you and you don't remember me I'll de-friend you and tell all our mutual friends what a putz you are.

7) If we've had a falling out then we're not friends.


8) Try and be funny or informative.


9) Try and do something more than poke me from time to time.


10) If you're reading my blog on FB, it would be great if you comment on the blog page too.  hint hint   ;-)

Old "friends" -- a rant

So I find myself with a dilemma.

I've really enjoyed re-connecting with high school friends on Facebook. Some of us even used Facebook to set up an actual PHYSICAL meet up when I was back in California in May.  Fantastic!

Every one of them so far has been someone who I just lost track of, as I went to college and changed who I was.  (Actually, my therapist says I left high school and that little town and actually became who I was meant to be... but I digress.)  It's been really cool to see how everyone turned out.  And I"m so glad that everyone is happy.

I admit there have been a few people who I have ignored because we weren't friends or even know each other in high school.  (I mean REALLY, why start now? I'm not here so you can increase your friend count on FB.)

Now here's the rub... recently I was approached by someone who I had been friends with... really good friends, back in the day.  But we had a huge falling out second year of college. Since that night, I haven't heard a word from this person -- no call, no email, no letter, NOTHING. (This despite the fact that all information is readily available AND that my mom does business with her dad.)

A few months ago I received a friend request on FB.  Figuring to avoid an uncomfortable situation I hit "Ignore."  Today, I received a message in my FB Inbox asking why I haven't accepted.

Do I:

1) Not reply and hit Ignore to the friend request?
2) Reply with an explanation of why I'm not accepting the request?

All of this is pretty far in the past, so I don't want it to seem like I've been thinking about this all these years.  Maybe I should let by-gones be by-gones.  On the other hand, I do remember the falling out and I just figure we aren't friends.

Hmmm, with that last sentence, I think I just solved my issue.

What do you think?