Re-Post

Hey folks.  I just started contributing Op-Eds to a site called ourscenetv.com.

Though I won't be overlapping the content on this blog,, this week's article was just too important to not repost.

http://ourscenetv.com/articles/dying-to-be-gay

Facebook-schmacebook

Can you all deal with another Facebook blog post?

Facebook has been a great tool, helping me link with old friends and new.  But my rant a few weeks ago reminded me that there are a few things that totally bug the sh*t out of me.


So here's my (slightly hypocritical) list:

FB ETIQUETTE

OK, I'm not saying that I'm the be-all-end-all here, but I think we can agree on the following:

1) If you're a woman and you are friending high school friends, have your maiden name and your picture visible.  Otherwise a profile pic of your kids along with Mrs.  Blahblahblah proides me ZERO info to determine whether I know you or not.

2) If you must play Farmville or Cafe or Timesuck 2.0 -- do us all a favor and turn off the notifications that get sent to all your friends.  It's not a coincidence that one of the most popular pages on FB is "IF ANYBODY SENDS ME ANYMORE MORE FARMVILLE REQUESTS I AM GOING TO BURN YOUR CROPS AND KILL YOUR ANIMALS"(over 500,000 likes).


3) Ditto with quizzes.

4) Don't "friend" me at a bar or party then force me to go onto FB right then and "accept" you.  

5) Know the difference between posting something on my Wall - which everyone can see and sending me a Message which is private.  Just because you and I think something is hilarious doesn't necessarily mean I want you posting it...

6) If you're one of those people who can't remember someone they've met - don't bother friending me.... cuz the next time I see you and you don't remember me I'll de-friend you and tell all our mutual friends what a putz you are.

7) If we've had a falling out then we're not friends.


8) Try and be funny or informative.


9) Try and do something more than poke me from time to time.


10) If you're reading my blog on FB, it would be great if you comment on the blog page too.  hint hint   ;-)

Old "friends" -- a rant

So I find myself with a dilemma.

I've really enjoyed re-connecting with high school friends on Facebook. Some of us even used Facebook to set up an actual PHYSICAL meet up when I was back in California in May.  Fantastic!

Every one of them so far has been someone who I just lost track of, as I went to college and changed who I was.  (Actually, my therapist says I left high school and that little town and actually became who I was meant to be... but I digress.)  It's been really cool to see how everyone turned out.  And I"m so glad that everyone is happy.

I admit there have been a few people who I have ignored because we weren't friends or even know each other in high school.  (I mean REALLY, why start now? I'm not here so you can increase your friend count on FB.)

Now here's the rub... recently I was approached by someone who I had been friends with... really good friends, back in the day.  But we had a huge falling out second year of college. Since that night, I haven't heard a word from this person -- no call, no email, no letter, NOTHING. (This despite the fact that all information is readily available AND that my mom does business with her dad.)

A few months ago I received a friend request on FB.  Figuring to avoid an uncomfortable situation I hit "Ignore."  Today, I received a message in my FB Inbox asking why I haven't accepted.

Do I:

1) Not reply and hit Ignore to the friend request?
2) Reply with an explanation of why I'm not accepting the request?

All of this is pretty far in the past, so I don't want it to seem like I've been thinking about this all these years.  Maybe I should let by-gones be by-gones.  On the other hand, I do remember the falling out and I just figure we aren't friends.

Hmmm, with that last sentence, I think I just solved my issue.

What do you think?

Civil-ization

Here's the story about a left leaning former Republican and an ultra-conservative blogger...

(I PROMISE THIS WON'T BE A POLITICAL RANT)

I started Twittering many moons ago, mostly on political topics.  In the process I followed (and was followed) by a number of other political junkies.  One of these folks was @ToBeRight.  His views are diametrically opposed to mine on almost every subject, except when I'm grousing about Obama as the used car salesman of hope.

We throw a lot of data at each other and we also aren't above throwing rhetorical bombs into the Twitter-verse. We're both totally opinionated and smart. It's fascinating that we can take the same situation and facts (except if provided by Faux News --couldn't resist @ToBeRight) and arrive at completely different conclusions and proposed solutions.

The civility of our 1-to-1 interaction should be a model for our democratic process.  Yes, we've done some tongue-in-cheek bashing of each other--for Thanksgiving I DM'd him with "Happy Thanksgiving to my favorite right-wing nutjob"  and he keeps taunting me for having once been a conservative and losing my way. 

But it really goes to prove that sensible, intelligent people can have honest disagreements about how to approach problems.  That doesn't mean we agree on anything.  If you're in doubt about that, visit his blog:  www.toberight.com 

It also doesn't mean he's changed my mind on issues or vice-versa.

Not sure where I was going with this, but I can't help but believe that we might be better served as a nation if all our elected officials had grown-up discussions... then vote and let the chips fall where they may.

(FYI, I got the OK from @ToBeRight to mention him in this blog.)

Euromania!

Why American Idol and other ilk can't be like this I"ll never know...  Eurovision - that song competition that has countries from all over Europe competing is FANTASTIC!

You get 39 countries competing.  Many of them sing in their own languages (why is that  everyone feels they have to sing in English -- ok, not the French but still!)  ABBA won this many years back which launched them worldwide.

The rules are properly byzantine, with each  nation choosing it's representative in successive rounds of voting.  Then the international voting starts.  What's crazy (and probably a deal breaker for Americans) is that you can't vote for your own country's song.

I think what fascinates me is how you can see something else besides the music in these songs --

• France's entry is a great song Allez, Olla, Ole!  With a great African rhythm and this guy singing in unbelievably beautiful French with a hint of West African accent. This from a country that broke out in riots a few years ago because of race relations (well, actually the economic inequality and barriers to the economic ladder inherent in French society).

• Read the comments on YouTube for songs from Armenia, Turkey, Greece, Macedonia.  There's so much vitriol it makes the rantings of Ann Coulter seem like a hymn in church.  The crazy thing is they are yelling at each other about things that happened up to 1,000 years ago.  Yes, yes, I know these things are important, but come on!  This is a song contest! Do we really need to yell at each other for the Turkish led genocide in Armenia, whether Macedonia is part of Greece, or whether the Turks should be ashamed because the Ottoman Empire invaded Europe?!? (That last one is not a typo -- Ottoman Empire?!? Really!?!)

• Not sure why a lot of the acts sing in English.  There are some beautiful songs (Armenia for instance) that I think would have been so much more beautiful if sung in the native language.  Otherwise, you kinda feel the lyrics are a little off.  Like someone wrote the song in the native language, then translated it into English and tried to shoehorn the beats back into the music. 

I'm hoping and praying that some enterprising DJ will bring these over here and remix them with a proper Euro dance beat.  Americans can't vote but here's some of my favorites and some doozies (click on country name to go to the video).  By the way -- hey Europe, what is up with thigh-high black boots for men?:

COOL DANCE SONGS THAT NEED TO MAKE THEIR WAY OVER HERE

• France The lyrics in French are pretty simplistic - "Come on, come on, come on... it's the song of the year." But MAN is this a catchy tune!)
• Armenia (This is great.  I do wish it was in Armenian.  Note the crazy old composer bouncing around in some of the scenes. Oh, and yeah, this IS about an apricot stone (seed).)
• Greece (notice the really hot backup male dancers... too bad the choreography sucks)
• Romania (this is one of those songs where the English seems a little stilted); the video has them trying to be a little Gaga... not very successfully.)
• Azerbaijan (sounds a a little Gaga influenced; also we see the reappearance of hot male backup dancers with some throw-up-in-your-mouth choreography.)

BALLADS (MEH, NOT MY FAVORITES)

• Israel (It's a ballad, so not as uplifting as the others.)
• Spain (No way is this going to win.  Too old-fashioned.  Notice the boots though.)

HA HA HA HA HA

• Netherlands (OK, this is one country that should sing in English! Sounds like a cross between a 60s retread group and an oompah band.)
• Finland (WTF?!?)

Touching me, touching you

(Apologies to Neil Diamond)
A week or so ago I came across an old friend from high school on Facebook.  I hadn't thought of her in years, but seeing her picture brought back a rush of memories.

It was the 1984-1985 school year.  Frankly, I was many years from becoming the outspoken, outgoing person I am today. But this person was one of the major catalysts that got me started down that road.  If you can imagine it, I was pretty much your stereotypical Asian guy that year in high school; just focused on my academics and just enough extra curricular activities to ensure I'd get into a good school.

But internally there was a lot going on.  Lots of loneliness and overall alienation from high school in general.  But also there was a very real fight between the person I was and the person I wanted to be. Fortunately I was befriended by this wonderful person and started hanging out.  She was a senior (!) which made it all that much better.  And I slowly began to recognize that not only did I deserve to have what I wanted, but it was up to me to go out and grab it.

I've been so lucky to have met people at critical junctures in my life that have propelled me onward and upward.

- My mom and dad of course, who taught me the value of working hard.
- This person I mentioned above.
- Friends from Chamber Singers/show choir who gave me a sense of belonging -- which is so critical in high school.  (As a side note, I'd like to thank the choreographer of show choir who kept dragging me from the second row to be front and center.  He kept doing that so much that eventually I cam to crave being in the spot light.)
- My buddies from college - lifelong friends who taught me that friendship is about support but also about calling you on your sh*t.
- My best friend Jason, who gave me the final push and self-confidence to grab the life I wanted.

And finally Geoff who is the culmination of all this.  Who I love so much.  I don't think I would have had the nerve to go after the relationship if it wasn't for all those people who gave me a much needed push in my past.

Last year when I turned 40, I was going to do a series of thank you notes to people who have touched my life in some way.  This list is me revving up to do that.

But all this led me to think about whether I've played a similar role for anyone.  I'm not sure I have, but I'd like to think I did.

Have you?

(D-NY) or (R-NY) or (I-NY)

I've tried to keep my political rantings and ravings out of my posts on this blog.  Firstly because, there are so many other issues I'd like to explore.  Secondly, because I know i would be completely consumed by the back and forth sniping that passes for political discourse these days.

However, last weekend, a few friends suggested in all seriousness that I run for office, because of the passion I have for the issues.  And I mean all the issues - not just health care and cap&trade, but the the day to day legislation.  Finger Lakes designation as national park?  I got an opinion. Selling wine in grocery stores in NY?  I got an opinion.  Managing the flood of tourists in the West Village turning my neighborhood into a mall?  You BET I got an opinion, probably two of 'em.

That got me to thinking about what a Jonathan Saw candidacy and platform would look like.  I came to the conclusion it would be something that not even my closest friends would be entirely comfortable with.  Why?  Because despite what you may think from my demographics (Asian-American, college-educated; graduate school, urban resident, gay, 40) I'm don't really fit the mold of the urban liberal elites.  I'm pretty much your quintessential Rockefeller Republican - fiscally conservative, socially liberal (to a point).  

Now just which one of our two parties do you think someone with those viewpoints would feel most at home in?  If you said neither - you'd be right.

Let's take a look at the big social issues:

1) Abortion: I believe in choice.  The anti-choice zealots wrapping themselves in the language of "life" are bankrupt.  Money should be spent to inform our kids (and adults) of contraception.  However, I also believe that abstinence should be a part of the equation.  In addition, sex education should take into account both the overall community as well as the parents wishes.  How does this work in practice?  Let's take our great urban metropolises.  Parents should be able to opt out of sex education classes if there religion or beliefs does not permit a frank discussion of sexuality.  However these parents do not have the right to veto the ability of everyone else's children to receive that information.  Conversely, in the rural South,  Parents should have the right to have contraception (scientifically based education, not the crap that spews from anti-choice idiots) taught to their kids in the classroom, as an opt-in, even if the larger community wants abstinence only.

2) Gay marriage:  Clearly I'm all for this.  But I believe that getting the rights and responsibilities first is the critical first step.  We can argue semantics later.  Case in point, as we were losing the Prop 1 vote in Maine, Washington State voters were approving the "everything but marriage" legislation for gay couples.  Essentially, Washington voters were showing that people are willing to provide us the rights, but the word has too much baggage.  I realize this isn't a cure-all nor a substitution for full-marriage equality.  But I can't help but think that our daily lives would be better off if we had incremental rights all over the country.  We can start off with the biggies like medical decision making, inheritance, taxes and survivor benefits.  (Something, by the way, which could be passed in almost every state.)  Then we could have those states that are ready for "everything but marriage" laws as in California, Washington and New Jersey.  Following on that would be marriage itself, the rights, the responsibilities and the word.

3) Guns: We have enough laws.  But they need to be enforced.  Also, is it not possible to make a distinction between criminal use and non-criminal use?  Do we need to have bans? Closing the loopholes on current registration laws would nicely do the trick.  Then we can focus resources on getting gins out of the hands of criminals, as opposed to wasting time adding more and more restrictions on law-abiding gun owners.

4) Affirmative action:  Our efforts here are misplaced.  We need to spend more early on in the educational life of our kids, so that when they reach their final year of high school, the top performers also represent the percentage of their race in the population (give or take a few percentage points). AA is a necessary evil until this becomes a reality.  High school is too late to rectify over a decade of inequality and resources in education. Where would we find the money?  I say take it away from prisons.

Despite all of this, can you imagine if more people like me actually were in politics?  The kind of person who is interested in solutions and not just political points; the kind with the courage to point out and shout down the BS from both sides of the aisle; the kind who is more beholden to his constituents than his party!!!

Well, keep your eyes and ears open.  When you hear these slogans shouted from the streets, in emails, in mass mailings...  when people start asking you to become a fan or donate money, you'll know I've decided to take that plunge.

The big question is whether I'll have a D or R after my name.