Let me be clear immediately: I think the article is an example of gross oversimplification and hyperbole and does an actual disservice to both Asian mothers and "Western" mothers.
Despite her half-hearted attempts at defining "Chinese mother," I believe that many people will use this to vilify Asian mothers in general. Her examples, especially about being called "garbage" are extreme. While I don't doubt that this happens in some families (not just Asian ones) I think it feeds into the stereotype of Asian mothers and Asian families in general.
That the author is Asian herself makes this all the more depressing. (Sort of like a modern day Hop Sing: Me makee sure white people like me by makee fun of Chineee mudda.)
Her good points, for example that Chinese mothers feel their children can achieve anything they want, is lost in the morass of supposed general "examples" and talk of pianos and violins. Damn, all we needed was something about doing Calculus on the way to a football game and we'd be all set. (Of course, Asian kids aren't allowed to go to football games so I guess it's about doing Calculus on the way to violin lessons.)
By grounding her points in stereotypical examples, she lets "Western" mothers off the hook. Many of the points, including that self-esteem comes from the ability to excel at things and learn how to get to that point, are generally applicable. But making them so alien it allows people to say "well, that's not how we do things in this country" and continue to find excuses for why their children don't do as well as Asian children.
The fact is Asian students, and white students, and Black ones and Hispanic ones excel when thy are pushed to do so. When expected to excel they pretty much do so. But kids are lazy and won't do anything more than they are forced to do. The fact is in families that have high achieving children, the "minimum" level of activity and schoolwork equates to an A, not a C.
We need to get away from this "Everyone's a winner!" mentality because that's not the real world. What good parents have always know is that self-esteem comes from success not the other way around. I know this from personal experience. One of the reasons I was able to withstand the anti-gay bullying at school was because I knew I was better and more worthy than my attackers. This didn't arise by some over-fawning desire to nourish my self-esteem, but from the fact that I was doing better than them in school, in harder classes. It seems so childish now, but I was carried along by the idea that one day they'd be working for me.
This is not Asian parenting or any other style of parenting, this is general GOOD parenting.
