Asian Muslim Links

NOTE:  I wrote this a few months ago when the House hearings on US Muslim extremism started. Not sure why I got side tracked-- probably just forgot to hit "Post."

+++

Being Asian American - I've been bothered insensed HORRIFIED by the instances of anti-Muslim prejudice in America.  Whether it is the screaming protesters in Yorba Linda or the current hearings on Muslim radicals in America.  But my unease goes far beyond that.  The words and epithets being thrown out are eerily similar to what occurred in WWII, leading up to the internment of Japanese AMERICANS.

The fear-mongering starts with questioning the loyalty of a group of people to the US and then defining patriotism so that no-one of that group can meet that definition.

Back in the 1940s, newspaper columns said that the Japanese were not able to become fully assimilated because of their race and nationality, no matter how long they have been in the United States.  Widely accepted-- this view meant that Japanese-Americans who had been in the US for generation were now seen as foreigners.

Doesn't that remind you of recent statements by Congressmen and political leaders, particularly on the right, saying that all Muslims in the US are particularly suspect to terrorist activities.  Are we about to repeat history and begin the internment of Muslim-Americans?

Asian moms

By now, most of you may have read the article "Why Chinese moms are better" are some such.  At first I figured I'd just leave this alone, but it's causing too much discussion online for me to ignore.

Let me be clear immediately: I think the article is an example of gross oversimplification and hyperbole and does an actual disservice to both Asian mothers and "Western" mothers. 


Despite her half-hearted attempts at defining "Chinese mother," I believe that many people will use this to vilify Asian mothers in general.  Her examples, especially about being called "garbage" are extreme.  While I don't doubt that this happens in some families (not just Asian ones) I think it feeds into the stereotype of Asian mothers and Asian families in general.

That the author is Asian herself makes this all the more depressing. (Sort of like a modern day Hop Sing:  Me makee sure white people like me by makee fun of Chineee mudda.)

Her good points, for example that Chinese mothers feel their children can achieve anything they want, is lost in the morass of supposed general "examples" and talk of pianos and violins.  Damn, all we needed was something about doing Calculus on the way to a football game and we'd be all set. (Of course, Asian kids aren't allowed to go to football games so I guess it's about doing Calculus on the way to violin lessons.)

By grounding her points in stereotypical examples, she lets "Western" mothers off the hook. Many of the points, including that self-esteem comes from the ability to excel at things and learn how to get to that point, are generally applicable.  But making them so alien it allows people to say "well, that's not how we do things in this country" and continue to find excuses for why their children don't do as well as Asian children.

The fact is Asian students, and white students, and Black ones and Hispanic ones excel when thy are pushed to do so.  When expected to excel they pretty much do so.  But kids are lazy and won't do anything more than they are forced to do.  The fact is in families that have high achieving children, the "minimum" level of activity and schoolwork equates to an A, not a C.

We need to get away from this "Everyone's a winner!" mentality because that's not the real world.  What good parents have always know is that self-esteem comes from success not the other way around. I know this from personal experience. One of the reasons I was able to withstand the anti-gay bullying at school was because I knew I was better and more worthy than my attackers. This didn't arise by some over-fawning desire to nourish my self-esteem, but from the fact that I was doing better than them in school, in harder classes. It seems so childish now, but I was carried along by the idea that one day they'd be working for me.

And finally, can we all get off the "My kids are my best friends" kick?  Kids need parents, not friends. Friends tell you what you want to hear and make you feel good.  Parents actually can make you better than you ever imagined yourself to be.

This is not Asian parenting or any other style of parenting, this is general GOOD parenting.

Re-Post

Hey folks.  I just started contributing Op-Eds to a site called ourscenetv.com.

Though I won't be overlapping the content on this blog,, this week's article was just too important to not repost.

http://ourscenetv.com/articles/dying-to-be-gay

Facebook-schmacebook

Can you all deal with another Facebook blog post?

Facebook has been a great tool, helping me link with old friends and new.  But my rant a few weeks ago reminded me that there are a few things that totally bug the sh*t out of me.


So here's my (slightly hypocritical) list:

FB ETIQUETTE

OK, I'm not saying that I'm the be-all-end-all here, but I think we can agree on the following:

1) If you're a woman and you are friending high school friends, have your maiden name and your picture visible.  Otherwise a profile pic of your kids along with Mrs.  Blahblahblah proides me ZERO info to determine whether I know you or not.

2) If you must play Farmville or Cafe or Timesuck 2.0 -- do us all a favor and turn off the notifications that get sent to all your friends.  It's not a coincidence that one of the most popular pages on FB is "IF ANYBODY SENDS ME ANYMORE MORE FARMVILLE REQUESTS I AM GOING TO BURN YOUR CROPS AND KILL YOUR ANIMALS"(over 500,000 likes).


3) Ditto with quizzes.

4) Don't "friend" me at a bar or party then force me to go onto FB right then and "accept" you.  

5) Know the difference between posting something on my Wall - which everyone can see and sending me a Message which is private.  Just because you and I think something is hilarious doesn't necessarily mean I want you posting it...

6) If you're one of those people who can't remember someone they've met - don't bother friending me.... cuz the next time I see you and you don't remember me I'll de-friend you and tell all our mutual friends what a putz you are.

7) If we've had a falling out then we're not friends.


8) Try and be funny or informative.


9) Try and do something more than poke me from time to time.


10) If you're reading my blog on FB, it would be great if you comment on the blog page too.  hint hint   ;-)

Old "friends" -- a rant

So I find myself with a dilemma.

I've really enjoyed re-connecting with high school friends on Facebook. Some of us even used Facebook to set up an actual PHYSICAL meet up when I was back in California in May.  Fantastic!

Every one of them so far has been someone who I just lost track of, as I went to college and changed who I was.  (Actually, my therapist says I left high school and that little town and actually became who I was meant to be... but I digress.)  It's been really cool to see how everyone turned out.  And I"m so glad that everyone is happy.

I admit there have been a few people who I have ignored because we weren't friends or even know each other in high school.  (I mean REALLY, why start now? I'm not here so you can increase your friend count on FB.)

Now here's the rub... recently I was approached by someone who I had been friends with... really good friends, back in the day.  But we had a huge falling out second year of college. Since that night, I haven't heard a word from this person -- no call, no email, no letter, NOTHING. (This despite the fact that all information is readily available AND that my mom does business with her dad.)

A few months ago I received a friend request on FB.  Figuring to avoid an uncomfortable situation I hit "Ignore."  Today, I received a message in my FB Inbox asking why I haven't accepted.

Do I:

1) Not reply and hit Ignore to the friend request?
2) Reply with an explanation of why I'm not accepting the request?

All of this is pretty far in the past, so I don't want it to seem like I've been thinking about this all these years.  Maybe I should let by-gones be by-gones.  On the other hand, I do remember the falling out and I just figure we aren't friends.

Hmmm, with that last sentence, I think I just solved my issue.

What do you think?

Civil-ization

Here's the story about a left leaning former Republican and an ultra-conservative blogger...

(I PROMISE THIS WON'T BE A POLITICAL RANT)

I started Twittering many moons ago, mostly on political topics.  In the process I followed (and was followed) by a number of other political junkies.  One of these folks was @ToBeRight.  His views are diametrically opposed to mine on almost every subject, except when I'm grousing about Obama as the used car salesman of hope.

We throw a lot of data at each other and we also aren't above throwing rhetorical bombs into the Twitter-verse. We're both totally opinionated and smart. It's fascinating that we can take the same situation and facts (except if provided by Faux News --couldn't resist @ToBeRight) and arrive at completely different conclusions and proposed solutions.

The civility of our 1-to-1 interaction should be a model for our democratic process.  Yes, we've done some tongue-in-cheek bashing of each other--for Thanksgiving I DM'd him with "Happy Thanksgiving to my favorite right-wing nutjob"  and he keeps taunting me for having once been a conservative and losing my way. 

But it really goes to prove that sensible, intelligent people can have honest disagreements about how to approach problems.  That doesn't mean we agree on anything.  If you're in doubt about that, visit his blog:  www.toberight.com 

It also doesn't mean he's changed my mind on issues or vice-versa.

Not sure where I was going with this, but I can't help but believe that we might be better served as a nation if all our elected officials had grown-up discussions... then vote and let the chips fall where they may.

(FYI, I got the OK from @ToBeRight to mention him in this blog.)

Euromania!

Why American Idol and other ilk can't be like this I"ll never know...  Eurovision - that song competition that has countries from all over Europe competing is FANTASTIC!

You get 39 countries competing.  Many of them sing in their own languages (why is that  everyone feels they have to sing in English -- ok, not the French but still!)  ABBA won this many years back which launched them worldwide.

The rules are properly byzantine, with each  nation choosing it's representative in successive rounds of voting.  Then the international voting starts.  What's crazy (and probably a deal breaker for Americans) is that you can't vote for your own country's song.

I think what fascinates me is how you can see something else besides the music in these songs --

• France's entry is a great song Allez, Olla, Ole!  With a great African rhythm and this guy singing in unbelievably beautiful French with a hint of West African accent. This from a country that broke out in riots a few years ago because of race relations (well, actually the economic inequality and barriers to the economic ladder inherent in French society).

• Read the comments on YouTube for songs from Armenia, Turkey, Greece, Macedonia.  There's so much vitriol it makes the rantings of Ann Coulter seem like a hymn in church.  The crazy thing is they are yelling at each other about things that happened up to 1,000 years ago.  Yes, yes, I know these things are important, but come on!  This is a song contest! Do we really need to yell at each other for the Turkish led genocide in Armenia, whether Macedonia is part of Greece, or whether the Turks should be ashamed because the Ottoman Empire invaded Europe?!? (That last one is not a typo -- Ottoman Empire?!? Really!?!)

• Not sure why a lot of the acts sing in English.  There are some beautiful songs (Armenia for instance) that I think would have been so much more beautiful if sung in the native language.  Otherwise, you kinda feel the lyrics are a little off.  Like someone wrote the song in the native language, then translated it into English and tried to shoehorn the beats back into the music. 

I'm hoping and praying that some enterprising DJ will bring these over here and remix them with a proper Euro dance beat.  Americans can't vote but here's some of my favorites and some doozies (click on country name to go to the video).  By the way -- hey Europe, what is up with thigh-high black boots for men?:

COOL DANCE SONGS THAT NEED TO MAKE THEIR WAY OVER HERE

• France The lyrics in French are pretty simplistic - "Come on, come on, come on... it's the song of the year." But MAN is this a catchy tune!)
• Armenia (This is great.  I do wish it was in Armenian.  Note the crazy old composer bouncing around in some of the scenes. Oh, and yeah, this IS about an apricot stone (seed).)
• Greece (notice the really hot backup male dancers... too bad the choreography sucks)
• Romania (this is one of those songs where the English seems a little stilted); the video has them trying to be a little Gaga... not very successfully.)
• Azerbaijan (sounds a a little Gaga influenced; also we see the reappearance of hot male backup dancers with some throw-up-in-your-mouth choreography.)

BALLADS (MEH, NOT MY FAVORITES)

• Israel (It's a ballad, so not as uplifting as the others.)
• Spain (No way is this going to win.  Too old-fashioned.  Notice the boots though.)

HA HA HA HA HA

• Netherlands (OK, this is one country that should sing in English! Sounds like a cross between a 60s retread group and an oompah band.)
• Finland (WTF?!?)